


Texts from Tony Stark

by Kay (sincere)



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Flirting with Science, Multi, Silly, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-11-07 13:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincere/pseuds/Kay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper doesn't understand why Tony is being so ridiculous, but Tony and Bruce are sciencebros. Bruce will understand when you tell him. Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Texts from Tony Stark

**Author's Note:**

> This is an extremely silly little thing. Contains inappropriate texting, inappropriate pick-up lines, and inappropriate Tony Stark. Written for fic_promptly on Dreamwidth, theme: texts from last night, prompt: any fandom, any pairing, "Is it too forward to say 'stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy'"

Her phone started vibrating very loudly on the hard surface of the table. It was funny how the function that was supposed to make it quieter than the ring actually made it louder, in practice. "Just a moment," Pepper told the financial officer with a rueful smile, picking it up.

Not a call, but a text message; it was from Tony, of course, because he knew exactly where she would be right now, in this meeting that he really ought to be attending himself, and he wanted to let her know that even though he wasn't attending, he still didn't care enough to respect the fact that she _was_.

The text read, **Too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"?**

Pepper let her eyebrows lift, and she didn't even bother asking any questions. She just typed back **Yes.** and set the phone back down.

"Thank you for waiting. Go on, Charlie," she said, folding her hands neatly in front of her.

It was about a minute later that the phone buzzed again, and Pepper sighed, explaining, "Mr. Stark thinks we're still in junior high school."

Unfortunately, the teacher of this particular class was staring straight at her, because she was the Chief Operating Officer, making her the most important person in a room of seven people, and he was forced to stop when she was being distracted from his lesson by their superior.

"Please keep going. I'm paying attention, but it's... apparently urgent," she lied with an easy smile. As the COO, her job was at least fifty percent covering up for the CEO's childish antics.

Once she was sure the meeting would continue while she entertained Tony, she returned her attention to the phone.

**"you're a photon quanta to my valence electron. You excite me to another level."**

Was that even a pick-up line? Pepper typed back, **I know it's your thing, but you can't proposition someone in Physics. Use English.**

Another woman would probably have been upset that they were being asked to field terrible flirtations from their boyfriend to a third party. Other women didn't date Tony Stark. And the moment _this_ woman had started dating Tony Stark, she had started mentally counting the days until the inevitable first affair, first secret love-child, or first kidnapping by a gang of supermodels leading to Stockholm syndrome.

Frankly, she had been surprised that when the inevitable came to pass, Tony Stark had said to her, _I know this is going to sound weird, but-- We have a great thing going, and I kind of don't want to ruin it, since... it turns out I need you to function, as a human being, in society. So I'm just going to say it. How do you feel about a threesome?_

The phone buzzed in her hand, so thankfully it was mostly silent this time. Pepper glanced down at the screen in her lap, which read, **How about "your pants may be indestructible, but Pepper and I want them on the floor of our bedroom"?**

If she let him keep doing this, he'd be at it forever, and each one would be less appropriate than the last. She held back a sigh, and typed, **For god's sake, I'll talk to Bruce myself.**

Even when he was doing things right, Tony always managed to do them the wrong _way_.

She'd thought the matter settled when she got another text message, one that read, **Be sure to tell him it's for science.**


End file.
